Most horrifyin,terrifyin & INGENIOUS PRANKS EVER!
by CaityAndNaeHeartCookies
Summary: MUWAHAHA! *cough* ahem..yeah well the title pretty much sums it up!
1. Neji's Unicorn

**Hey guys this is just some random fic I thought up when I was sick, It's just gonna be about me and my best friend torturing, scarring and possibly maiming the Naruto characters MUAHAHHAH!! So here it is..**

**I do not own Naruto blabbity blah....  
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"Oh my gosh, this is soooo boring.." Caity whined as she looked over at Nae's homework trying to steal some answers secretly....pfft yeah right.

"HEY!! Don't copy me I wasn't even paying attention I slept all class!"

"I know that is really unfair..I tried to sleep once and I get majorly busted but you sleep all the time and no-one cares!" Caity started banging her head on the desk in frustration.

"You know that if you keep that up you'll have brain damage...well more than you already do..." Nae teased poking Caity's nose.

"Hey leave my brain out of this and leave my poor nose alone!!"

"Fine...bully...anyway what can we do?"

Caity and Nae commenced thinking positions and began plotting...

Two hours later

"I got it!" Caity jumped and fell off her chair at the suddenness of the red-heads loud voice.

"We can use an army of super pickles to enslave a horde of rabid leprechauns, who in turn will use their amazing rainbow magic to kill Paris Hilton, which will result in a four car pile up which was caused by a driver swerving to miss a unicorn which was really an evil Spanish chihuahua in disguise who was sent by the demonic sprinkles to take over our world as we know it, but at the last minute I use my totally awesome rocks, which I used on the animal rights people when they try to put my guide turtle farm out of business because apparently it's cruel HA!, to kill the Spanish chihuahua, resulting in my ultimate worship and I shall finally have all the gummy bears in the world muahahahahhahahaha!" Nae continued to laugh maniacally oblivious to her blonde partner who was repeatedly banging her head against the nearest wall at her friends stupidity.

Nae blinked "What you don't like it?...Well we could always torture and humiliate the Naruto characters until we get bored first.."

"NAE!! YOUR A GENIUS!!" Caity exclaimed, punching her fist in the air in excitement as she ran in a circle.

Nae shook her head slowly, this was really sad and people thought she was crazy...

And so the totally awesome/crazy/sugar-loving duo set out to put Phase 1, or more affectionately known as Neji's unicorn, into action.

**Six hours later at some random looking house**

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" The piercing and extremely girly scream echoed throughout Konoha in the early morning silence.

Two people snickered in the shadows as a boy with brown hair ran out of his house wailing and screaming about someone called Larry.

The snickering duo followed not wanting to miss out on the action.

The boy, which by now you all have probably guessed is Neji, continued running until he reached a certain trusted teammate's house..

"LEE YOU HAVE TO HELP ME LEE!!! LEE!!! WHERE ARE YOU??? THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! I NEED HELP!!!" Neji screamed at the bushy-browed boys apparently empty house.

He sighed, that'd be right, whenever he needed Lee he wasn't there and when he desperately wanted him gone he couldn't get rid of him.

Looks like he had to go to his second choice..

"GAI-SENSEI!!! WHERE ARE YOU!! HELP ME!!! IT'S A CATASTROPHE!!!"

Again Neji received no response, scowling he headed to his last resort.

He arrived outside her house and screamed "TENTEN I NEED HELP!!!"

A very sleepy and grumpy looking Tenten answered the door "WHAT!! WHAT IS IT NEJI! WHAT IS SO IMPORTANT THAT YOU HAD TO WAKE ME UP AT 3 IN THE BLOODY MORNING!!" Tenten roared.

See, this is why she was Neji's last resort...She was, well in one word, SCARY!

"Tenten it's a catastrophe my best friend has been cruelly taken away from me in the dead of the night!! It must be fate!!" Neji exclaimed dramatically dropping to his knees and sobbing into his hands uncontrollably.

Tenten rolled her eyes, sometimes Neji was worse than Gai and Lee put together.

"Who is your best friend that has been taken? And pull yourself together will you!" Tenten snapped her temper rising, she was not a morning person.

"Larry my...mumble mumble"

"I'm sorry I couldn't quite catch that?"

"Larry my stuffed mumble mumble muffle"

"NEJI!! I AM SERIOUS HERE QUIT WASTING MY TIME OR YOU'LL BE SORRY!"

"Larry my stuffed unicorn! There I said it happy!" Neji huffed as he folded his arms and looked every bit the sulking toddler.

"I've had him ever since I was little, now who's gonna ward off all the scary demons and boogey-men!!!" Neji broke into a fresh wave of tears.

Tenten sighed, this wouldn't be easy the last time she had seen him this emotional was the day he found out that Santa Claus wasn't real and that was, well, yesterday.

Tenten approached him slowly and led him into her house, only one thing would save her from a certain death, drowning in a puddle of Neji's tears, and that was...LOONEY TUNES RERUNS!! NO!!!

Tenten vowed right then and there that she would have revenge on whoever took Neji's unicorn because intentionally or not, they had caused her to watch Looney Tunes reruns!! THE HORROR!!

Tenten glared at the television as she slid in the tape, and almost instantly the really annoying theme music started. Then a really close up picture of Bugs Bunny appeared on the screen, Tenten yelped and flipped over the couch.

Neji gave her an odd look but he decided that Looney Tunes was more interesting and clutched a pillow to his chest as he sat cross legged on the floor watching intently.

Tenten scowled. Someone was gonna pay..big time...

**Outside Tenten's window..**

"Oh my gosh that was hilarious!!" Caity giggled as she tossed a stuffed unicorn up and down in her hand.

"Yeah you said it..haha..can't believe he fell for it!!" Nae collapsed with laughter.

"Uh huh so did you videotape it or what?"

"Yeah huh I got the whole thing right here on my trusty video camera," Nae replied patting her camera affectionately.

"Uhm Nae why is the lenses cap still on?"

"Oh ehehehe.." Nae laughed nervously as she glanced from side to side looking for and escape route, sadly she found none.

"Nae you are so lucky that I counted on you doing something stupid so I taped it myself!" Caity said smiling proudly.

"Yeah we are lucky.. hey what do mean you counted on me doing some thing stupid?"

Caity bit her lip, this would be hard to get out of.

"Umm I just meant that you uh nothing?"

"Oh ok."

Caity fell over anime style, wow that was easier than she thought it would be...literally.

"Well lets go!! TO THE COMPUTER!!"

"Yeash so we can put it on Youtube!! Bwahahhahha!!!"

And with that they skipped off into the sunset, The end!

HAHA!! Not yet my friends not yet!!

**The next day**

"HEY TENTEN I FOUND LARRY! HE WAS IN THE MICROWAVE!!" Neji yelled with glee hugging his newly found companion tightly.

Tenten's eye twitched, she had got no sleep last night because she was too scared that Sylvester would pop out of her closet and eat her and now Neji was telling her that he found the freaking unicorn!!

It was all too much for poor Tenten to take, she screamed in frustration and ran back into her house. Hiding under the table she gripped her chainsaw tight.

"Let's see ya get me now Sylvester huh huh where are ya huh huh ahahhahahahah you big scaredy cat!! bring it on!! I dare you!! I will hack you into tiny pieces!! Just try it buster!!!"

Outside Neji sweat dropped, shrugging he skipped off home not knowing that his humiliation was far from done.

In a scarily creepy looking house..

"Hmmm whats this..Neji's Unicorn?"

Sasuke had arrived home early from training and had decided to surf the net and he was currently on Youtube.

Suddenly Sasuke began laughing uncontrollably and rolled around on the floor, clutching his stomach. Finally his face red from lack of air Sasuke got back up and couldn't resist the urge to press play again. Soon enough he was laughing hysterically again, it was all just too funny.

**Meanwhile outside..**

A little girl clutched her dad's hand as they walked past the creepy haunted looking house.

Suddenly creepy laughter was heard ringing through the night.

The little girl and her father screamed and ran away yelling something about ghouls and stupid leprechauns.

**At Caity's house..**

Nae and Caity high fived one another "SUCCESS!!!"

So far their video had 1000 views and this was all just the beginning! *Insert scary theme music here.*


	2. Sakura's Twin!

**Caity: Ok here is the much awaited (Not really but anyways) second chappie! So sit back and enjoy!! Hehe heh....I have no life....and no-body loves me anymore and..and sniff sniff**

**Naruto: Caity doesn't own me but she wishes she did coz' I am HAWT!**

**Caity: Naruto.....your an idiot....**

**Naruto: No I am Hawt!**

**Caity: Yeah sure you are...**

**Naruto: I am!**

**Caity: Yep whatever you say Naruto-**

**Naruto: Hey Hinata agrees! Right Hinata?**

**Hinata: *****Faints***

**Caity: Naruto you loser! *****Sigh* Just start the story....**

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"Hey Nae, what are we going to do next? The next prank needs to be better than the last one! It has to be awesome, amazing, wonderful....uhm extra awesome! And-"

"Lets get Orochimaru! He stole my purple nail polish and gave it to Itachi for Christmas!! FOR THAT HE WILL DIE! HORRIBLY, PAINFULLY AND SLOWLY!!" Nae declared, her eyes narrowed in anger.

"Ooook...but what should we do?" Caity asked Nae, if she knew Nae, and she did, she would already have a plan, or three hundred, that would have Orochimaru begging for mercy and pleading for death-

"I know! We can..psst pssst pssst" Nae whispered her ingenious plan in Caity's ear.

"That's crazy!......So crazy..That it's awesome! Lets do it!We can call it Operation Sakura's Twin or OST for short!" Caity yelled enthusiastically, jumping off her chair and waking up the cat. The cat, not too happy about being woken up, left three scratch marks on each of Caity's arms.

"Ow! Get off of me you evil sack of potatoes!!" Caity yelled as she threw the cat into a conveniently placed pit.

"Hahaha!! Lets see you scratch me now wise guy! HA! In your face! In your fac-" Caity's gloating was cut short when a flying furball of fury jumped out of the pit and latched on to her face.

**THREE MINUTES LATER**

Caity, freshly bandaided, returned to the room only to find Nae in an armchair, sitting by the fire place, the evil sack of potatoes (a.k.a the cat) sitting in her lap and it was...it....was...it was....PURRING!! ARGH!!!.

"Put that evil thing down!" Caity demanded as she pointed an accusing finger at the cat. The cat just yawned and blinked.

"Look out!" Caity warned as she dived behind the couch peeking around the edge at Nae and the evil creature.

"Ok...Your not getting a medal for bravery anytime soon....and anyways lets go!! We have an Orochimaru to torture! MUAHAHHHHAHAHAHAHAH!!" Nae laughed as thunder and lightning crashed in the background.

Caity sweatdropped "Uhm......ok"

And so Orochimaru's fate was sealed.

**OROCHIMARU/KABUTO'S APARTMENT**

(Ok long story short, Orochimaru went bankrupt..he spent too much money on faulty hair care products, so he had to move in with Kabuto...yeah don't ya feel sorry for poor Kabuto? I sure do poor guy..stuck with Orochimaru...**Shudders**)

Exactly four hundred and sixty minutes after Caity and Nae's evil plan was hatched there was a squeal (Kinda like a dying fangirl..Don't get me started...anyways continuing).

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!! KABUTO COME QUICK SAKURA'S TRAPPED IN MY MIRROR!!!"

"I'm coming Orochimaru!!" Kabuto replied as he shuffled towards his "Masters" room, mumbling incoherently about snakey bastards, chocolate muffins and, arriving at his destination, Kabuto flung the door open.

"I'm here Oro-ohmygosh..."

"No no no! It's Orochimaru!! You should know that by now! Say it with me Oro-chi-maru...Got it? Good! Now back to the problem at hand! Look at my mirror! IT'S HIDEOUS! I MEAN LOOK AT THAT OILY SKIN AND THOSE BEADY YELLOW EYES!!!".

Kabuto, having finally recovered from his initial shock replied "um Orochimaru..that's you..."

"NO IT'S NOT! THE PERSON IN THE MIRROR HAS PINK HAIR!! I DO NOT HAVE PINK HAIR!!!"

"Well you do now..."

"ARGH!! MY REPUTATION IS RUINED!!! HOW CAN PEOPLE FEAR ME IF MY HAIR IS PINK! WHY OH WHY!! OF ALL COLOURS DID IT HAVE TO BE PINK??!?? PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!" and after finally finishing his rant Orochimaru fainted.

"Orochimaru wake up! WAKE UP YOU FOOL!! WAKE UP!! IT'S WASH OUT DYE!! WAKE UP!!" Kabuto demanded as he repeatedly slapped Orochimaru across the face.

**MEANWHILE IN OROCHIMARU'S CLOSET**

"So did you get it?" Caity asked excitedly, while attempting not to fall of the closet-rod-thingo (you know that thing that you hang your coat hangers on? I don't know what to call it so I have given it a new name!), which she was hanging upside down from with her knees hooked over it. Next to her was BATMAN!! uh I mean...who is that? Oh right..it was NAE!! IN A BATMAN COSTUME!

"Yeah I got it all...and I remembered to take the lense cap off this time! HA!"

"Riiiiight...was the costume really neccesary?"

"No but I wanted to wear it..It's sets the mood..."

"What mood?"

"I dunno...it just seemed like the right moment to say something like that.."

"You still didn't answer my question.."

"I just wanted to wear it ok!! And besides theres no need to be jealous, I got you a robin costume.."

"Ok ok sheesh calm down! And there was no way in the holy worship of waffles you were going to get me to wear that thing.."

"Party pooper! Oh noes! Here comes Kimimaru! Wait what in the purple footed flying pigs is he doing here?"

"How should I know?? uh oh..."

"uh oh what?"

"ummmm"

"uh oh what?!"

"uhmm....he's coming this way!"

"Ahhh! Calm down Caity! Why are you freaking out! Calm down!!!"

Caity rolled her eyes. "Yeah ok Nae I'll calm down...thanks..."

Nae beamed. "Your welcome buddy!"

Just then Kimimaru opened the closet door and his eyes widened, he opened his mouth to yell, but no sound came out. He just stood there gaping like a fish. Nae and Caity cringed- it looks like they were busted.

Suddenly a very fan-girly scream came out of Kimimaru's mouth.

"Ahhhhhhh! Oh my god! Your Batman!! Can I have you autograph!! Make it out to..Kimimaru, my biggest fan!" exclaimed Kimimaru as he shoved an autograph book and a pen in Nae's face.

"Uhm sure..." Nae replied as she randomly wrote something down. Kimimaru hugged the book to his chest and left the room skipping. Nae and Caity had that anime WTF look going on and Orochimaru was still passed out in his bathroom.

"Oh no! Caity! Kabuto is ruining our plan! What do we do?" Nae asked wringing her hands, still upside down.

Caity felt a little light headed from all the blood rushing to her head. "Well I guess you should jump out and scare him or something...then he'll be so traumatized that he can't talk and he won't ruin the rest of our plan.."

"ME? I'm Batman! I'm the good guy! Good guys aren't scary! You do it! Here put this on.." Nae retorted waving an offending garment under Caity's nose.

"Nae...I'm not even going to ask as to why you have that with you...and there is no way I am wearing that either.."

TWO SECONDS LATER

"......I hate you......" Caity scowled as Nae put the finishing touches on Caity's costume.

"Ok now I'm sure this will work...there is nothing that Kabuto fears more...Now go and remember what we practiced.." Nae said ignoring the blondes earlier comment and pushing her out of the closet door.

Caity sighed and waited for Kabuto to come back out of Orochimaru's bathroom. The door knob turned and Kabuto stood frozen in the doorway staring at the sight before him.

Caity blinked.

Kabuto blinked.

Caity blinked.

Kabuto blinked.

Caity blinked.

Kabuto blinked.

Caity shook her head remembering her mission. "BRRRRAAAAIIIINNNNSSSS!!" She groaned as she walked stiffly towards Kabuto, who was frozen in fear.

"Z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-ZOMBIE CLOWN!!!ARGH!!!" Kabuto slammed the bathroom door, locked it and proceeded to hide in the bathtub (Stepping on Orochimaru to get there) grasping a bath bomb for protection.

Inside the closet a loud thump was heard, yes, Nae had laughed so hard that she had fallen of the closet-rod-thingo. Nae giggled as she wiped a tear from her eye.

"Ah gotta thank Deidara for telling me that.." Nae managed to say before she collapsed to the floor in a new wave of laughter.

Caity exhaled, blowing a stray strand of hair out of her face. "Whatever but I am never wearing this thing again! And if you tell anyone it was me in the zombie clown outfit I will steal all you precious coca-cola whilst you sleep heh heh heh!"

"Okay, okay...Just stay away from the poor innocent coke!!" Nae cried dramatically as she pulled a coke can out of thin air and hugged it as she continued.

"It's ok mummy's here..I won't let mean Aunty Caity hurt you..no I won't.."

In the background Caity had that anime style WTF face on again as Nae continued to comfort the coke can.

AN HOUR LATER

"Hey maybe we should get out of here now?"

Nae threw the coke can over her shoulder. "Yeah sure lets go"

Caity threw the discarded clown outfit near the door of the bathroom and she and Nae left to go eat some marshmallows.

After they left Kabuto, figuring it was safe by now, opened the door only to see a clown outfit with a pool of liquid around it. (The liquid was the coke Nae threw in case your wondering).

Kabuto's eyes grew to the size of basketballs as he stared at the mess in front of him.

"ARGH!! THE ZOMBIE CLOWN MELTED IN AN ATTEMPT TO MULTIPLY!!! NIOOOUUUU!!!!!" Kabuto slammed and relocked the door, resuming his position in the bathtub (Stepping on Orochimaru once again) and he gripped his new weapon of doom...okay so it was a plunger, give him a break he's trapped in a bathroom with a passed out (and stepped on) Orochimaru so he's running low on weapon options.

**THE NEXT DAY**

Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto were standing by the bridge waiting for their always overly late Sensei to make an appearance so that they could begin training. Suddenly a tall figure with pink hair, matching Sakura's, began to walk towards them.

Sasuke's inner pervert (we all know he has one ehehehe) kicked in "Hey Sakura who's the hot chick? Your twin sister?"

"Uhm no Sasuke-kun...you mean you haven't heard? Someone dyed Ororchimaru's hair pink and he's here to speak to Tsunade-sama...." Sakura trailed off as she saw Sasuke turn green.

"Sasuke-kun you ok?" Suddenly Sasuke ran off home to go kill himself or whatever else he found fitting to punish himself with after he had thought of Orochimaru in that way...

So in the end Sasuke didn't show his face for two weeks, Orochimaru finally washed the dye out (After he figured out it was temporary) and as for poor, poor Kabuto well he sat in Orochimaru's bathtub for three months muttering about melting zombie clowns, flurescent radioactive goo and buttons. Orochimaru just left him there, until he finally got fed up and called the pound who refused to take him. Orochimaru tried the circus, the zoo and he even tried the mental institution. Finally he called Alcoholics Anonymous and they came over to get him. After three of the AA officers were taken out by a plunger and another had a black eye from a bath bomb, they sedated him, put him in a straight jacket. And two years later he was free to go sober as a penguin, but still mentally unstable and paranoid.

Caity and Nae high-fived one another, another mission successful!! ^^

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This has nothing to do with the story but I thought I would just add it in..think of it as like a deleted scene..anyways here we go..

SOMEWHERE RANDOM!

"Hey guys! I finally got Batman's autograph! YAYZ!" Kimimaru cried as he jumped up and froze like the people in the Toyota adds.

"Ok how did you do that?" Tayuya asked as they all sweatdropped.

"Do what?" Kimimaru asked, his facial expression equivalent to a question mark.

"Never mind let me see your autograph then..." Tayuya demanded.

Kimimaru handed it over after warning her to be careful with it.

Tayuya read the autograph book. "Umm you do realise that this says "KFC is evil and is plotting to take over the world with a secret organisation known as T.U.N.A that is run by the demonic dolphins. By the way turtles are awesome! ^^" don't you?"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??!?!!??! You mean he didn't sign it?"

"No Kimimaru he didn't..." Tayuya sighed, stupid Batman she was never going to hear the end of this one.

"I'll get my revenge on you Batman!! I swear!! I shall!! You backstabbing dirty filthy I-can't-think-of-anymore-adjectives-right-now scumbag!!" Kimimaru screamed, looking at the sky. You know like in all the dramatic movies where this kinda stuff happens? Anyways, that is how The Joker was born....just kidding....or am I?? Dun dun dunnnnn! Heheh! REVIEW IF YOU WANT ME TO CONTINUE! I also take suggestions on pranks and characters to pull them on, until next time!


	3. Akatsuki Taken Down!

**I have just one thing to say here, for those of you who review, good on ya! For those of you that leave reviews about how dumb our stories are and that they're a complete waste of time, don't, cos' we really couldn't care less. Constructive criticism is one thing, we like that but insulting us doesn't really go over well. Fanfiction is for FUN! Not for world-class novelists! So if you hate our stories well I have one thing to say to you.....*Sticks out tongue*.....There! I'm finished..**

**Well heres Chappie three, I think it's pretty short compared to the others but oh wells!**

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"Hey Nae you know what I was thinking?"

"Hmm Nothing?"

"No! You bully! I was thinking that we could go and rescue your nail polish from Itachi and prank the Akatsuki at the same time!! It is the ultimate evil plan that was ever thought of!!" Caity declared her chest puffed out in pride.

"Hmm I guess that could work...hehe I get to prank Deidara though.."

"Umm sure..."

"And we shall call it RRRM or Renae's Radical Rescue Mission!!...I like it!"

"Alrighty-o then lets get cracking!"

**AN HOUR LATER AT THE BANK**

"What do you mean my credit card bounced!!!" Screamed a very mad, purple nail polish wearing Uchiha (Who is it? I'll give you three guesses...That's right it's Sasuke!! Nah just joking it is obviously Madara...)

"Exactly that sir, now could you please leave," Said a very nervous bank teller.

"NOO! I WILL NOT LEAVE DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!! I COULD KILL YOU WITH A BAT OF MY EYELASH I-"

"Security!!" Yelled the random bank teller person as he repeatedly pushed the small red security button. Two men came shortly after and grabbed Itachi, they hauled him (still ranting) to the door and threw him out it. As Itachi turned into a small speck in the distance you could distinctly hear him yelling.

"ITACHI'S BLASTING OFF AGGAAAIINNNN!!!"

The bank teller walked back to his desk, shaking his head. Those two kids didn't pay him enough for this.

**THE NEXT DAY AT THE AKATSUKI HAIR PARLOUR! I MEAN THE AKATSUKI LAIR!!**

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!..........un," Deidara screamed/said as he ran in circles on the spot.

"Deidara! Stay still your making me dizzy!!" Sasori growled as he looked up from playing cards with Kisame. Kakazu was playing earlier but he left after he lost 19 cents, saying something about being made of money...

"But, but it's a disaster, un!"

"What is it?" Sasori asked impatiently.

"Weeeeeeeeell I went to make some awesome ass-kicking sculptures, you know the type that goes BOOM!!!! Yeah well anyway when I went make my awesome ass kicking sculptures that go BOOM!!! There wasn't any clay! All I found was Play dough!! Argh!!...un"

"And?"

"It's an all out catastrophe! I had to steal money from Hidan's swear jar to buy that clay! Un."

Hidan had chosen that moment to appear. "Why you BLEEP! BLEEP! BLEEPITY BLEEPER BLEEP! POLONY! BLEEP! THIS IS A BUNCH OF BLEEPY! GODBLEEP! I HATE THOSE BLEEPIN BUTTONS!!"

"That's $9!" Kisame said, proud of himself for counting that high.

"Ah bleep!"

"$10!"

Hidan kept his mouth shut as he slipped a ten dollar note into the jar.

"YES! I CAN BUY MORE CLAY!....un," Deidara cried joyously but as he went to grab the jar he saw that the money had mysteriously vanished.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!.......un."

"Go fish!" Kisame called.

"We're not playing go fish.."

"Oh well SNAP!"

"We're not playing that either.."

"Umm Uno!"

"I give up.." Sasori sighed as he placed his cards on the table and stood up, leaving a bawling idiot, a confused Kisame and a Hidan who had decided his safest bet was to go mute, in his wake. As he was walking to his room he heard loud thuds coming from Itachi's bedroom followed by cursing. Curious, he opened the door slightly to see Itachi squinting and trying to make his way out of his room. He slapped a palm to his forehead as Itachi walked into a lamp.

THUD!

"What the hell! I didn't put that there...."

Itachi and his bed were in the middle of the room and they were surrounded by a ring of furniture. Itachi, being the blind old bat that he was, was attempting to escape and no matter which way he went he ran into something. Just what was going on here, something was fishy and Sasori was going to get to the bottom of it. He shut Itachi's door and was about a metre away when....

BANG!

"BLEEP!! WHO IN THE BLEEP OF THE BLEEPY DECORATED THIS ROOM!!"

"AHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Sasori followed the girly shriek down the hall and found the source in Kisame's room.

"Noo! Fishsticks why did you have to go..." Kisame wailed as he held a picture of his gold fish to his chest.

"What's going on in here?"

"Oh Sasori it's terrible! Fishsticks has run away from home!!"

"But isn't that your fish?"

"Yes..." Kisame sniffled a little bit, then blew his nose on a hanky that was dotted with lil' pictures of shells.

"Then how can a fish run away from home?"

"Who cares?!? All that matters is that he's gone!! Gone I say!! Never to return!! Oh why! Wasn't I a good master?!? Didn't I take you for walkies every day?! Didn't I-"

"Bye.." Sasori shut Kisame's door and proceeded down the hallway to Konan's room, he hadn't heard from her in a while but before he could get there he was hit by a another sobbing form that tackled him to the ground in a hug. What the hell? Why was everyone crying! They were S-class criminals for crying out loud, gawd! Was he the only one with any dignity?

"Oh no! Sasori-sama it's terrible! Tobi can't find Tobi's mask!!"

"Is that why you have a paper bag on your head?"

Tobi nodded his now paper bag clad head, he had even painted it orange and cut a hole in one side.

"Did you check under your bed?"

"No!" Tobi said as he released Sasori and sprang to his feet and flew into his room. Wait since when can Tobi fly? Oh well, since when did anything in this fic make sense anyway?

As Sasori continued his epic quest for the jade monkey-I mean to Konan's room he tripped and fell over a rock. 'What the? Since when did we have rocks in our hideout? Meh!'. He walked into the laundry to find a complete disaster area.

"What's going on in here?"

"Who's there!!"

"Is me Sasori..Konan are you okay?"

"Shhhh! They'll hear you!"

"Who?"

"The gummi bears! Get down!" Konan called as she jumped behind the washing machine all Sasori could see was her top half. Then suddenly it looked like she had been yanked down and dragged behind the couch. After some clanging and banging she popped back up her hair a mess and her clothes disheveled as she threw a gummi bear out the door.

"Sneaky little bugger attack a man when he's not looking ha! I showed him!"

Sasori slunk quietly back out the door, was he the only one that was still sane in this place? He decided to go and find Pein, he could always count on him to be completely calm and collected, not like the rest of these loonies. He found Pein in his room sitting in a front of a pile of garlic.

"Uhm Pein what in the world is going on?"

"V-v-vamp-p-pires..."

"They're not real-"

"Shhh! Don't let them hear you say that! That'll only anger them!"

Sighing he walked over to Pein's T.V cabinet to see that it was littered with old vampire movies, you know the ones that have like the really crappy effects where you can see all the strings and stuff. Sasori snorted he couldn't believe that Pein, their fearless leader, was scared by these crappy movies. He glanced over his shoulder at Pein who was clutching a cross out in front of him and scrubbing garlic onto his neck.

"The power of the cross repels you..the power..of the..the power...cross"

Sasori just shook his head and left the room with a sigh, it was like he was their mother, was he the only responsible and sensible one? He continued his quest to find someone sane, next on his list was Zetsu. He found his target looking under the pot plant.

"What are you looking for Zetsu?"

"I can't find Zetsu anywhere I think he's been kidnapped!"

"Uhm Zetsu, aren't you Zetsu?"

"Yes I'm Zetsu but don't you get it Zetsu's been kidnapped, maybe it was the toaster oven!" Zetsu exclaimed as he pointed at the seemingly innocent toaster oven. He pointed two fingers to his eyes and then pointed to the toaster oven in a 'I'm watching you' gesture. He then pulled out a black notebook and pen.

"And exactly where were you on Friday the 13th of March at approximately 1:30pm?"

"........"

"Oh I see and the coffee machine can verify this huh?"

"..............."

"I see, I see.." Zetsu trailed off as he scribbled something down on his notebook.

"Thank you, your statement has been very helpful to this investigation" He said to the toaster oven before leaving to question the coffee machine. Sasori stood there dumbfounded, he sighed, Zetsu was off the sane list. So now his only hope was Kakazu and he didn't like his chances. He slowly crept into Kakazu's room and everything was.......completely normal......until...

"NOOO! SOMEONE STOLE 5 CENTS!!! IT WAS YOU AGAIN WASN'T IT!!" He said as he pointed accusingly at Sasori.

"What the? Again? I didn't take your-"

"LIAR!!" Kakazu yelled as he attempted to pounce on Sasori, but fell face first to the floor when Sasori dodged and ran into his room. Slamming the door and locking it behind him, he looked around his room and sighed when he noticed everything was exactly the way that he had left it. Wait, he didn't leave the top draw open, he slowly crept over to it, peering over the edge he gasped. Hyperventilating, he gazed fearfully at the drawer once more. Someone had changed his carefully colour coded socks around! The purple was next to the yellow! And the blue was next to the red! The horror!! He quickly switched everything back to it's right place and sighed, clutching his chest. He collapsed onto his bed completely calm until a scary thought crossed his mind. He leapt off his bed and raced over to his closet.

"Noo! Is there no end to this cruelty!"

Someone had also re-arranged his cloaks, this was all wrong, the black one with the red clouds wasn't supposed to go next to the one with red clouds it was supposed to go next to that one with the red clouds. Geez...

**AT NAE AND CAITY'S SECRET LAIR AKA NAE'S KITCHEN**

"Nae maybe we should give them back their stuff now? Minus the 10 bucks thats mine!" Caity said as she dangled a finger in the bowl that they were currently keeping Fishsticks in.

"Aw but I'm having fun with the Tobi mask, it really completes my look.."

"Nae take that mask off.."

"Alright alright god, who would have guessed that Sasori was obsessive compulsive, Konan had a childhood trauma involving gummi bears and Pein had a odd fear of Vampires?"

"Yeah, but the whole Akatsuki is done now so who next?"

"I don't know.."

"Well lets return all their stuff and then we'll sleep on it"

"Okily madokily!"

**THE NEXT DAY AT THE AKATSUKI LAIR**

"Oh Fishsticks you came home!" Kisame cried happily hugging the fishes bowl.

"There you are Zetsu! So the toaster oven really was telling the truth!..Why yes he was Zetsu...Oh Zetsu I'm so glad your okay!...Me too Zestu it's good to be home..." Zetsu said as he welcomed himself back home.

"There's Tobi's mask, but Tobi doesn't remember leaving it in the cookie jar.." Tobi said a little confused. Oh well at least he had his mask back.

"My clay! You came back to me!" Deidara said happily as he began to create a little model of himself to celebrate his clay's coming home.

"It took 72 days and nights but the army of enemy gummi bears finally retreated.." Konan said proudly as she pinned a home made medal to her chest, it was made from an old egg carton.

"....." Yes Hidan is still mute, well it's not his fault that he's broke and can't afford to pay for the swear jar on a S-rank criminal's salary.

"There's my 5 cents! It was in the pot plant! Not to worry everyone! I found it!" Kakazu exclaimed as he zoomed back into his room to put his 5 cent coin back into his piggy bank.

"At last it's day time! The vampires can't get me now! Muahahhah!!" Pein said as he laughed maniacally.

"OMG! Someone didn't use a coaster! The coffee table has rings!! Rings I tell you!" Said yep you guessed Sasori...

BAM!

"BOO-YEAH!! I'M FREE!! FREE AT LAST!! I-"

THUD

"WHO PUT THIS WALL HERE!! I SWEAR I'M GONNA SUE THE CREATOR OF THIS LAIR!! WHAT CRACK WAS HE ON!"

"Itachi you designed the lair.."

"Ohh..."

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**Well here it is, my chapter 3...Oh well. It isn't as good as the others in my opinion, but I decided that I had put it off for long enough and forced myself to write this. So please don't get mad if it's really bad. Thank you to darkf0x for the Itachi and the furniture idea and also the deidara and playdough idea! Also please review it's your reviews that keep me going! I love you all! Peace out! Oh and ideas are welcome!**


	4. Weasel!

**Since while I was on holidays I had no life, I decided that I would do another chapter of my evil pranks as I had a surprising burst of inspiration. **

**Once again a huge thanks to Darkf0x who was the mastermind behind this suggestion! So for the first time ever I have decided to make a dedication!! WHOOT!**

**Dedicated to Darkf0x for their awesome ideas! I might just use that Kakashi idea next chappie!..heh heh **

**Disclaimer: Me no own....me just like to torture...Muahahahhahaha!! .**

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**

"I'M HOME!!!" Caity called as she burst through Nae's front door, Nae's parents looked at her strangely.

"Hi Mr and Mrs Nae!!" Caity waved cheerfully "Oh and hello Nae's little sister!"

She hummed quietly to herself as she made herself at home and walked to Nae's room.

"Nae!! It's horrible!!"

"What is it, Caity?" Nae sighed not even looking up.

"That Donkey-head! I shall kill him!! and eat his liver!! MUAHAHAHAH!!!"

"Calm down...Who's a Donkey-head? And your quoting Madagascar so it must be serious.."

"Sasuke! The damn Donkey-head stole my gherkin relish (that exists by the way, I found it in my cupboard, never tried it though...), used it and then he had the nerve to return it!!"

"Oh..no way..." Nae gasped, taking Caity's gherkin relish is like the equivalent to stealing her soul!! That fiend! He would pay!

"So Nae I came to ask if I could borrow your weasel?"

"Umm why??"

"Oh you know emotional support and what not...." Caity said as she crossed her fingers, hoping that Nae would buy it.

"Ok here ya go!" Nae said as she dumped the weasel/ferret into Caity's arms. "Now you be a good boy Max!"

"Thank you! Bye!!" Caity called as she raced out the door. "Bye Mr and Mrs Nae and Nae's little sister!!"

Caity's Laundry

Caity carefully looped the rubber band around the fur, her tongue sticking out of the side of her mouth in concentration. She then proceeded to place her 'present' for Sasuke into a box, with air holes of course, it wouldn't do if it died, Nae would kill her! Literally...She looped a giant purple bow around the box and tied up. She even added a sweet little gift card, for an authentic touch.

Sasuke's house

Sasuke hummed a bit as he munched on an Oreo, he had finally managed to get custody of them off of Itachi..muahah! He was quite bored actually, he had recently gone and bought a giant mallet but Naruto was already in a coma after just 328 hits! What a pansy! He was supposed to be the container for the nine-tailed fox..pshh some container! His doorbell rang interrupting his thoughts, he stood up and, hiding his Oreos, he opened the door. At first he didn't see anything but after closer inspection his gaze fell on a medium sized box on his door mat.

The box sat on Sasuke's coffee table as he inspected it, it may be a revenge prank from Naruto, or a crazy gift from fangirls or a late birthday present from Kakashi....hell that man was late for everything!

Under Sasuke's coffee table

'Yes...Yes....open it! That's a good Donkey-head!' I'll give you fifty bucks if you tell me who that was...well not really..but eh! It was Caity, she had positioned herself there after ringing the doorbell..and nobody thought she was a ninja, she was a awesome ninja damnit!

Above Sasuke's coffee table

The box rocked a bit and Sasuke jumped back, what kinda present moved!! Kakashi would pay if that was a turtle he knew Sasuke didn't like turtles..he found them creepy. Sasuke took a deep breath and summoned up all his courage. He reached forward and pulled the giant bow, the box fell apart to reveal...a weasel wearing a little black coat with red clouds, the fur at the back of it's head was dyed black and pulled into a ponytail and last but not least it had a line on either side of it's nose..

Sasuke yelped and dived behind the couch, he grabbed his mallet and grinned maniacally. It was finally time to avenge his clan!! He raised his mallet and aimed, but before he could deliver the finishing blow he was tackled by a red blur. The red blur shot up and clutched 'Itachi' close to her chest.

"It's ok Max...Aunty Caity's a bully....yes she is!" The red blur a.k.a Nae cooed.

Sasuke blinked to clear his blurry vision, standing up he noticed a blonde girl roll out from under his coffee table.

"Nae! You idiot! Now he's seen us!! You've blown our cover! I hope your happy!" Caity growled.

"Well sor-ree! But I wasn't letting Max be squished by a giant mallet!"

"I wouldn't of let him get squished! What kind of person do you take me for!"

"Oh..."

'Well now you've blown it...he knows...geez this is so gay...now we have to kill him and I'm running out of places to hide the bodies" Caity sighed as she pulled out a gun and slid some bullets into it.

"No wait! I have a better idea!" Nae said as she pulled out a small device that had a bobbing bunny head at the top "I have this!"

Nae walked over and stood in front of Sasuke who was frozen in fear, he didn't know what to be more scared of the gun or the pink device that had the bunny on it, they both looked pretty evil to him. Nae pressed a button and there was a flash before Sasuke slumped to the floor unconscious. Nae once more pocketed the device and turned to Caity doing Lee's classic pose, a thumbs up and a blinding smile...what the hell? Did her teeth just sparkle?? Like in the Colgate adds??

"Where the hell did you get a memory altering thingo??"

"I have my ways...I have my ways..." Nae said mysteriously as the two exited Sasuke's house and went to visit Naruto at the hospital, word has it some crazy pshyco hit him repeatedly with a mallet and put him in a coma.

In Bleach

"Hey Ichigo, have you seen my memory altering thingo? The one with Chappie on it?" Rukia asked as she furiously dug through her pockets.

"Why the hell would I have seen it?" Ichigo responded with a roll of his eyes, seriously you couldn't trust Rukia with anything...

Back in Naruto

Sasuke's House

Sasuke opened his eyes and glanced around. Where was the giant carrot and the block of cheese that attacked him with fluffy bunny slippers?!!? Once Sasuke realized that they weren't there he relaxed and went back to eating Oreos. He looked at his coffee table..What the? How'd did that box get there...Oh and there was a card to....

'Haha! Take that you Donkey-head! Muahaha! That'll teach you to steal my gherkin relish and give it back! Lots of love, your worst nightmare!!'.

What the hell was that all about? And what was gherkin relish?..If he remembered correctly Kakashi was eating that stuff earlier at training, oh well at least he still had his mallet...wait, where was his mallet?

Caity and Nae's secret base a.k.a Nae's kitchen

"Whoo I got me a mallet!! I'ma go hit stuff!!"

"Nae please calm down..sheesh!"

"Oh by the way, it wasn't Sasuke.."

'What wasn't Sasuke?"

"The person who stole your gherkin relish and then gave it back..it was Kakashi.."

"And you wait til' now to tell me this because?"

"Well I wanted to see something evil happen to Sasuke.."

"Why?"

"I dunno?"

"Riiiigghhhht...Well anyways Nae, I'm off to like save the world and stuff!" Caity called as she exited via Nae's kitchen window.

"God speed my friend, god speed and may the force be with you.."

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**Heheh sorry about the length but I decided to keep this one short and (hopefully, fingers crossed) funny. I had half a mind to get us caught this chapter but instead I decided that we would get away..Poor, poor Naruto, everyone is so violent towards him, Sakura, Sasuke, Kakashi, Shikamaru, Chouji, Ino and the list goes on and on doesn't it. As always review!! I need them! They're like my life support!! If I don't get 10 reviews on this story I shall die!! Well not really but you won't get another chapter until I do...muahahhaha! Yes I am just that evil! **

**Your bestest friend! (only if you review though!)**

**Caity**


	5. Icha Icha Rewritten

**Caity: HELLO!!! Yes it is shocking...that I would update this soon...ehehe, I know that I said I wouldn't update until I got 10 reviews but 8 is close enough! So I shall grace you all with my pres-**

**Nae: What are you doing...**

**Caity: Eheheh noooooooothing....**

**Nae: Pssh your hopeless..**

**Caity: Noooooo....**

**Dedicated to: Hmmmm who shall I dedicate it to.....Oh I noes! Dedicated to my awesome bestie Nae, who edits all my stories, poor grammar and all!, and never complains. She also puts up with me, feeds me and sometimes her family babysits me!!....so I don't burn down my own house and apparently I'm a good influence on her..psssh yeah right, what they don't know won't hurt them...Muahahahah! So Nae my friend! This is dedicated to you in the name of ROCK LEE!!...she's thinks he's hot....long story...anyways I'm ranting again without further ado..I give you...Kakashi torture....heh heh heh...**

**Naes Note: Pfft, I think its the opposite with the whole feeding you, babysitter-ing and burning down the house. Your my baby sitter ^^ I had no one to babysit me while you were gone, I tried to get Tash to do it but she said no!!! Meanie!!! I'm not that bad am I???? AM I?!?! Sure, I almost burnt down your house, ONCE!!!! The amount I've almost burnt down my own doesnt count....But still!! And -**

**-Nae gets knocked out by Caity-**

**Caity: _Like I said_.....Woo! Kakashi torture time!**

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"Alrighty-o troops! You know why your here! Now lets discuss strategic strategies!" Caity said brandishing her ' Boss Staff ' as she had christened it. Standing in front of her wearing confused expressions were Nae, Caity's red stuffed teddy bear Marcus, Nae's fish Taco and a rubber duck.

"......."

"Oh don't everyone speak at once! Calm down will you.."

"........"

"No one gets my sarcasm..I feel so unloved...Anyways you are all here to help me kill-" Noticing Marcus's disapproving glare, Caity corrected herself "-torture this man!"

Reaching up, she pulled down a picture of Kakashi, who had a moustache and a big, fat L on his forehead drawn on in permanent marker, down from the ceiling and pointed at it with her boss staff.

"He has committed the ultimate sin and must be punished for his actions......he took the gherkin relish..." Gasps were heard as Caity wiped a tear from her eye. "I know, I know...he's a monster..."

"Umm Caity, I have a suggestion.." Nae said as she raised her hand hesitantly, this was a little bit strange even for her.

"Permission to speak granted Private!"

"Well we could.................................." (Muahahahah! You shall not know until it happens!! HA!)

"Hmmmmm, it's possible...now Marcus I assume that you know your role in this operation?"

"................."

"Good! Now, I'll need a fishing rod, a purple piece of paper, a blue gel pen, sticky tape, _the_ book and a block of cheese..."

"What's the cheese for?" Nae asked as she scurried around collecting all the items listed.

"Plotting makes me hungry...."

"..........."

"Alright commence mission: Icha Icha! Move out!"

With Kakashi aka The horrible fiend/monster/gherkin relish stealer

Kakashi had decided to ditch training all together, after all it's not everyday that god gave out autographs. God in this case being Jaraiya, the author of the best book ever written, Icha Icha Paradise.... Kakashi skipped down the street, after using his Sharingan to make sure that no-one was watching of course, towards the book shop, hugging the precious-needs-to-be-worshipped literature to his chest. Suddenly out of the blue a red teddy bear flew through the air in a graceful arc and hit him on the head.

"Oh my god, what was that-Oh a bear!!" Kakashi lowered his guard and picked up the cute little bear. That was his first and final mistake, as soon as he turned his back a fishing rod was lowered from the balcony above and fished his Icha Icha Paradise out of his kunai holster. A few minutes later the rod lowered again and put the book back before retreating onto the balcony. With Phase 1 complete, a little girl (She had been bribed but shhh...) ran up to Kakashi and retrieved Marcus. He shrugged and continued on his way to the autograph signing.

In a dark alleyway

The little girl held Marcus tightly as she walked towards two figures that were shrouded in shadow. She approached them slowly and held out her hand.

"What do we owe ya?" Figure number one asked.

"50 bucks!" The little girl chirped. Figure number one's eyes popped out of her head and her hand froze halfway to her wallet.

"What?!?!!"

"Take it or leave it!"

"...Fine..." Figure number one handed the girl a fifty dollar bill and received Marcus in return.

"Thank you!" The little girl called as she skipped away to tell her friends that she had ripped off some more suckers.

"Fifty dollars Marcus! Fifty dollars!! You owe me!" Figure number one said waving her finger in Marcus's face.

"You look awfully silly yelling at a bear in public..." Figure number two said as she jumped off the box that she had been perched on.

"Yeah well, that was fifty bucks, Nae! Fifty bucks..."

"God, you are such a cheap skate.....sometimes I wonder if you and Kakazu are related...." Nae trailed off as Caity gasped and covered Marcus's ears, throwing Nae a horrified look.

"I am not, how dare you dribble such filth in front of sweet little Marcy-poo!" She cried as she stuck her nose in the air and turned her back on Nae.

"Whatever....What's the fascination with this stupid book anyway?" Nae asked as she opened Kakashi's Icha Icha Paradise to a random page and scanned the words. Her eyes widened and she dropped the book. Backing away, she hugged herself as she stared at the book like it was pure evil....which in fact it was....dun dun dunnnnna dun dun!!!!

"-I am never speaking to you ever again! You are evil! How dare you compare me to an S-ranked criminal!!! I am so much more eviller than that!! I'm practically Z-ranked!!!! RAWR!!! And you know something else! Penguins really do wear tuxedo's!! So there! Hey what are you looking at!! Yeah that's right you run away!!! MUAHHAHAHHAAHHAH!!!!" Her rant complete Caity turned to look at Nae again, only to find that she had fainted, the dreaded book of evil at her feet. Creeping cautiously towards the book, she picked it up between her thumb and her pointer finger. One glance at the book and she too fainted, they even had the anime swirly eyes....they're awesome, I wish my eyes could do that...anyways...

Back in the park with the hideous gherkin relish stealing fiend!!

Kakashi had decided to take a detour through the park on his way to the book shop, seeing as how it was a nice day and all. He reached into his kunai holster and pulled out his beloved book, wait what was that?..Kakashi pulled the purple piece of paper of the cover and read the words that were, funnily enough, written in blue gel pen.

_'Hey Kakashi-Sensei!!_

_I wanted to do something nice for ya so I altered your book a bit! Oh and by the way you so owe me ramen for this!_

_The futere hokage aka ramen meister aka prince of tomato sauce'_

Well which one of his students could it be??....Well the evidence led him to believe it was.....Naruto, seeing as how he mentioned ramen, didn't spell future right and had incorrect grammar in his so called 'name'...what an idiot. Hesitantly Kakashi took the Icha Icha Paradise dust cover off the book to find that it had been replaced with 'The biography of the awesome Gai-Sensei, the most awesome and good-looking sensei ever!! Written by Rock Lee!!'. Kakashi slowly opened the book only to find that it was complete with pictures of him....without the spandex!!!! ARGH!!! Kakashi dropped the book and performed a very un-Kakashi-like fainting act.

Behind the swing set

"Muahahahhahaahahhha!! My evil plot worked perfectly!! Now the penguins shall have new tuxedos!!" Caity cackled as she tapped her fingers together, Mr Burns style. Nae just shook her head, there was no point trying to argue with her logic, you would surely lose because she was so thick. Afterall it didn't have to make sense for them to be able to understand it....

Three days later

Naruto had just been let out of the hospital, he was able to move around with the help of a pair of uberly awesome orange crutches. Suddenly a head of spikey white hair popped up from behind the bush in front of him.

"Naruto....prepare yourself...for a thousand years of Death!!! MUAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!"

"ARGH!!!!" Naruto screeched as he began to hop as fast as he could in the direction that he come in, what was happening to his team mates? Why were they all out to get him? First Sakura, then Sasuke and his mallet, now Kakashi-Sensei! When would it end! Why was god punishing him? He said he was sorry when he accidently-on-purposely flooded Sasuke-Teme's house didn't he?? As his brain was hurting from so much thought at once, he stopped thinking and concentrated more on running, he had only just got out of the hospital there was no way that he was going back!! They had needles! And barely-cover-you-up dresses!! DRESSES!! He was the future Hokage, the Ramen Meister and the Prince of Tomato Sauce wasn't he??! He could not be seen in such attire, it was unfitting for his godly-ness!! At some point during this time Kakashi had trapped Naruto in a genjustu, so he thought he was running when really he wasn't getting anywhere. After a few moments of chuckling at Naruto's expense Kakashi decided to give him the final blow.

"A THOUSAND YEARS OF DEATH!!!!"

"GARGHHHHHH!!!" Naruto screamed as he and his awesome orange crutches became a pretty little speck in the distance. Kakashi beamed as he followed Naruto's minimizing form until it was no longer visible. Now that that was over and done with, time to find his beloved little baby....Oh what fiend would steal a defenceless book??! The cowards....

With Caity and Nae

"What the hell are we going to do with this disgusting waste of space anyway??" Caity asked as she held the little orange book as far away from herself as humanly possible.

"I say we burn it..." Nae said, trailing of as she pulled a cigarette lighter out of her pocket and waved it enthusiastically.

"Hmmmm....maybe.....Nope! Caity has a better idea that she thinks Nae will like!!"

"Ooh what is it Caity? Nae wants to know!!"

"Hehehe...."

Sasuke's house

Sasuke stretched as he opened his front door, training was tiring....For some reason Kakashi and Naruto were absent. Hmm oh well, walking into his room he noticed a small, rectangular orange object on his pillow. Curious, he pulled the purple note off it and read the words written in blue gel pen.

_'Hey Sasuke!_

_I know it's really late but here's your birthday present!_

_The number one ninja who thrashes Gai's level of awesomeness anyday,_

_Kakashi-sensei._

_P.S: Feel free to worship me later....Naruto did.'_

Hmmm what kind of present could it be?? Sasuke was excited until he saw the little red symbol on the front. Frowning he performed some hand signs and...

"Fire ball Jutsu!!!"

Meanwhile on a branch, that's attached to a tree, that just so happens to be situated outside Sasuke's window.

"Well Nae, you were right it did get burnt.."

"Yeah....I wish I could do that...then I wouldn't need this crappy lighter. Feh show-off!!! Just cause you can breathe fire and I can't!! You think your so good!" Then changing to a high pitched squeaky voice she continued. "Oh look at me!! I'm the last of the Uchiha clan!! I hate the world!! Die Itachi!! I can breathe fire out of mouth!! Wow!!! I'm also gay because I don't so much as look at girls and who cares about having friends!! I'm all emo because Lee, Naruto and Gai-sensei have better fashion sense then I ever could!! Oooooo I'm Kakashi's favourite because I'm an emotionless bastard!! No one will ever love me!! Whoo! Aren't I awesome because I have trippy eyes that spin!!! Aren't you all just jealous!! Ahhh I broke a nail and I just got a manicure yesterday!! Donkeys! Maybe I should go chidori some random because he looked at me the wrong way!! I'm going to run away with a snakey-bastard, who might also be a pedaphile and wear tutus, just because I can!!! I'm going to kill Lee because my jumpsuit in the chuunin exams didn't look nearly as awesome as his!!! Wah wah wah!!.....wah!" After completing her rant Nae inhaled a huge amount of oxygen to prevent herself from passing out and jumped off the tree branch. Caity was already of the ground having collapsed with laughter after the Orochimaru comment.

"Come on lets blow this ice cube stand!!" Nae said as she supported Caity, who was too weak with laughter to walk by herself.

"Tutu...snakey-bastad...trippy eyes...hahahhah!!"

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**Caity: Well this is where I leave you amigos!! Oh one more thing, the views expressed in Nae's impression of Sasuke in no way, shape or form represent the views of either of us. Right Nae?**

**Nae: Absolmutelies!!! It was all for humour purposes...The Orochimaru comment was serious though..**

**Caity: Ehehe she's just joking..._Glares_..Right Nae???**

**Nae: No, I'm completely ser- _Gets hit on the head by Caity _HEY!! What was that for!!!....Oh right!! .....Uhm yes I was just joking..heheh**

**Caity: Good Nae..**

**Gaara: Why aren't I in the story??**

**Caity: Well Gaara, your my favourite so it's most likely that I will save you until last and your punishment will be the worst..**

**Gaara: How in the hell of it does that work?**

**Caity: _Shrugs_**

**Kankuro: Yeah when do I get to make my grand entrance!!**

**Nae: To be honest we really haven't thought it through that far yet...**

**Caity:..yeah I don't think you'll even be in this story..**

**Kankuro: What!!??!?!???!?**

**Gaara: Ha!**

**Kankuro: Why I oughtta!!!......_Gets attacked by Gaara's totally awesome clumps of sand...I mean Sand Shuriken..eheh_**

**Kankuro: X.X**

**Caity: Whooo!!! Well done Gaara!! _High fives_**

**Nae: As always read, review and if you have any suggestions feel free to share them and you might just get a dedication..Yayz!!! **


	6. Bowlcuts of Youth!

**Caity: I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!**

**Nae: You went somewhere?**

**Caity: No, unfortunately, but I haven't updated in a while, plus I've always wanted to say that!!**

**Nae: Whatever, start the story!!**

**Caity: What's eating you!??!**

**Nae: Nothing... I haven't had any coke today..**

**Caity: No!! Poor poor caffeine deprived Nae-nerz!! It's okay I shall start the story now!!**

**Ino: Caity doesn't own us, she does however own several Naruto games, the hedge clippers and the 'disguises' her and Nae wear throughout the chapter!!**

"Okay Nae, have you got the stuff?" Caity whispered through her walkie-talkie.

"Aye, Cap'n. I await your orders!!" Nae's voice crackled through the speaker.

"Alright then, ready, set..... cheese!!"

As soon as the codeword left Caity's lips, Nae raced towards the target, thus beginning the awesome new operation.

**At the Yamanaka Flower shop**

"So you know what to do right?"

"Yes, I suppose..." Ino answered uncertainly, her hedge clippers in her left hand and a comb in her right.

"You will be rewarded handsomely by our leader, who greatly appreciates your noble sacrifice!"

"Uh yeah, whatever..." Ino answered, rolling her eyes. She watched as the other person in the room darted away in a flash of red.

**Outside 'Someones' house**

Ino snickered as she made her way towards her 'bosses', who were hiding in a rose bush.

"Okay guys I..." Ino trailed off as a piece of paper poked out of the bush, she grabbed it and read the words scrawled across it messily.

_Dear Ino,_

_We can't talk to you unless you come and hide in the bush... Security reasons. We hope you understand and we apologise profusely for any trouble that this may cause._

_Anonymous and her even Anonymous-er leader._

Ino shook her slowly but climbed into the bush anyway, I mean how else was she supposed to get her money. Her eyes widened, instead of seeing two normal people, she was greeted by someone in a giant bunny suit and another person wearing a giant cardboard box with two eye-holes cut out of it.

"So how'd it go?" The one in the bunny suit asked anxiously.

"It went fine, I did what you asked and _he's_ on his way here now," Ino replied, wincing when a thorn pricked her.

"Well done!!" the card board box exclaimed gleefully, everything was perfect!!

"Hey! How come you aren't getting pricked!!" Ino complained.

"Because, I am a ninja/jedi and my accomplice is wearing a box." The bunny said in a 'duh' tone.

"But I'm a ninja to-OW!"

"Here you go.." The bunny trailed off as they slipped a small wad of cash towards Ino, who snatched it with a malicious glint in her eyes.

"Now don't spend it all at once..." The bunny trailed off as it noticed that Ino had already disappeared. Sighing she pulled off her bunny head to reveal blonde hair and helped her companion out of the box. If they listened they could hear screaming in the background...

"AHHHH! INO HAS MONEY!! EVERYONE RUN!!"

"NOOOO! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!"

"WAHHH! I WANT MY MUMMY!!!"

"DUDE YOUR TWENTY-SIX!!"

"I DON'T CARE I WANT MY MUMMY!!"

"EEEEEP, INO WILL BUY THE ENTIRE MALL!!"

"WOMEN AND THE CHILDREN, GET TO THE BOMB SHELTERS!! MEN PREPARE TO FIGHT!!!"

"NOOOOOOOO! SHE'S GOTTA A GUN!!!"

"IIIINNNNNO'S GOT A GUN!!! YEAHHHH SHE'S GOT A GUN!!!!"

"NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR SINGING, RUN FOOL!!"

"MUAHAHAHHHAHAHA!! TO THE MALL!!" Ino's voice screamed.

"NOOOOO! BARRACADE THE MALL DOORS!!!

Caity's eyes widened, good thing that no-one knew that she had given Ino that money or ... She shuddered, just thinking about it scared her stiff.

"AHHHHHHHHH!!" A scream echoed from within the house that they were standing next to. Perfect now they were just waiting for.... _Him..._

"AH!! SAKURA MY YOUTHFUL HEART NEARLY EXPLODED WITH YOUTHFUL JOY WHEN YOU SENT ME A LOVE LETTER!!!"

Great he was here...time for phase 4!! Muahahhaha!! Nae and Caity quickly re concealed themselves in the rose bush, just as Lee came racing around the corner and banged on the door.

"SAKURA, MY YOUTHFUL LOVE! I HAVE COME FOR YOU!!"

Crashing and cursing could be heard from inside, then minutes later a very dishevelled and sleepy looking Sakura opened the door. She was still in her pyjamas and had a cap covering her hair.

"Lee! It's too early! Now go home.." She yawned.

"But my youthful love, it is already six in the morning... I have been awake since seven o'clock yesterday morning and I have never felt better!! I can practically feel the youth as it pumps through my veins!!"

"Yeah..." Sakura said flatly, she was nearly falling asleep against the door frame, what was in her tea last night....

**In the rose bush**

"Nae! You gave her your prescription-only super strength sleeping tablets didn't you?"

"Yeah..."

"Why? Our plan will be foiled if she falls asleep, and we have to get rid of that cap somehow-" Caity was interrupted as a huge gust of wind blew out of nowhere and blew the cap off of Sakura's head.

"Oh my gosh! You really are god!! I-I'm sorry I doubted you oh mighty one!!" Nae said as she bowed to Caity. (No offence meant to anyone by this statement!! If it offended you then I'm soooo sorry!! )

"Yeah, well I already knew that!"

**Back with Sakura and Lee**

"Eeep!" Sakura squealed as she tried to cover her hair with her hands, but it was too late. Lee pounced on her and hugged her.

"WOW! SAKURA I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU CUT YOUR HAIR INTO BOWL CUT JUST TO EXPRESS YOUR DEVOTION TO ME!! HOW WONDERFULLY YOUTHFUL OF YOU!! WE SHALL GET MARRIED IN THE VALLEY OF YOUTH AND YOUR DRESS CAN BE MADE OF GREEN SPANDEX, BECAUSE GREEN SPANDEX IS THE COLOUR OF YOUTH!! WE CAN EVEN CALL OUR FIRST CHILD GAI-SENSEI-JR!!" Lee continued on and on, completely unaware that Sakura had turned blue from his overly-enthusiastic display.

"Sakura?? Sakura??...SAKURA???" Lee screamed as he looked down at his most youthful cherry blossom of youth, she had passed out at the mention of making Gai the godfather/nanny.

**With Caity and Nae**

Caity and Nae had fled the scene after Sakura had passed out, there was no way that they were sticking around...They didn't want to get sued!!

"Phew we made it!!" Caity gasped as she collapsed onto her computer chair.

"Yepperonis we did!!" Nae agreed as she plopped down onto Caity's bed and made herself at home.

"Hey Caity, ya got any coke?"

"NOO! No caffeine!!"

"But I-"

"No Nae!"

".... Fine then! Spoilsport..."

Caity just rolled her eyes and returned her attention to formulating their next epic prank of awesome proportions.

**At the mall**

"FIRE!!!"

"EVERYONE RUN!!"

"CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT AND THE CSI AND THE RSPCA AND THE FBI AND TACO BELL!!!!"

"RAHAHHAHAHA!!" The crazy, long-haired blonde girl laughed as she ran through the mall clutching a whole heap of purple clothes in one hand and a flaming torch on the other. She needed an escape vehicle...her eyes lit up as she spotted a golf cart...

There was a loud booming sound as a wall collapsed and a golf cart came careering out of the gap it left, speeding away into the fading light. The onlookers heard one last thing before it was out of sight...

"SUNA SHOPPING COMPLEX HERE I COME!!"

And for once, the people of Konoha felt sorry for their allies.... especially that poor bugger that was the Kazekage...

**Suna, Kazekage's office**

Gaara was standing, looking out of the window in his office when a small shiver ran up his spine. 'What was that about?'

Gaara's unspoken question was answered when a crazy blonde in a flaming golf cart crashed into the wall of his office. 'Oh great...'

**Caity: Yeah, I don't really like this one that much, I actually thought it really sucked. I had major writers block on this, I've been getting that a whole lot lately on almost all of my stories....**

**Nae: Yeah no-one cares about your lame excuses!! REV-**

**Gaara: SAVE ME!!!**

**Ino: WHOO!!! -Comes in behind Gaara and attempts to run him over with the golf cart-**

**Gaara: Nooooooo!!! **

**Ino: Nahahahaha!!!! Review and I'll spare his life!!**

**Gaara: -Puppy eyes- Please for the love of me REVIEW!!!**


	7. Of Sewer Water and Ramen Noodles

**Haha xD Sorry this is sooo late..Its been sitting on my computer siiiiince...December...After Caity sent it to me, and as me, Nae, am like, extreeeeme procrastinator extraordinare, it hasnt been put up till now. Why now of all times? Cause I have reading Caitys messagers over her shoulder and all of them kept bring up the fact that I havent put the chapter up...Hints much.**

**Disclaimer: We dont own jack sh*t. Except Caity owns this story, I spose.. And I own a massive stash of lollies and various other food items in my cupboard...  
**

* * *

Gaara stared at the scroll in his hand; no it was more of a glare really. It was the stupid scrolls fault you see. It was all the stupid scrolls fault that he had to send his idiot brother, as every other shinobi in his village was conveniently not there, on this very important solo mission that could make or break his Kazekage position. I mean what is up with that? Out of a whole flipping ninja village he only has his brother left?

Rolling his eyes Gaara kicked his chair (it had wheels how awesome is that? Only a true Kazekage could have a chair with wheels!) away from his desk so he could look out the window and brood instead. A blank wall is not very exciting, plus the people on the road look like ants from all the way up here! Truthfully nothing slightly improved Gaara's sour mood more than watching those meaningless insignificant ants scurry around as if their lives held some meaning. Sometimes it even made him feel like laughing, not today however as he saw the most insignificant and meaningless ant of all hurrying towards his tower. That's right, you heard him, _his_ tower!

"Hey Gaara, sorry 'bout being late, but dude the bakery down town blew up! And there was donuts everywhere!-"

"Kankuro-"

"-and the icing! Seriously! You are missing ou-"

"Kankuro-"

"-rock in my shoe, di-"

"Kankuro." Gaara was now seething, not only did he have to trust this mega-ly important scroll to his imbecile brother; he had to trust this mega-ly important scroll to his imbecile brother who had the nerve to ignore his authority!

Kankuro gulped and nervously staggered backwards, one eye on his certifiably insane little brother and the other on the door aka the gateway to keeping his life and dignity in one piece. Slowly the all important portal to a room that Gaara wasn't in was getting closer and closer. Kankuro's hand twitched towards the handle and...

"Kankuro..." Damn! He was so close!

"I'm going to regret this later, in fact I haven't even told you yet and I'm already regretting it..." Kankuro frowned; if he was going to insult him he could at least say it in a straightforward manner, all this beating around the bush and crypticness was confusing him.

"I have a mission for you. Now I am going to use simple words so that you will be sure to understand it. You take scroll to Konoha, give to Hokage. Do you follow me so far?" Kankuro nodded dumbly with a blank expression on his face, "Then come home. Okay?"

Kankuro nodded and took the mega-ly important scroll from his younger brother who was also his boss, okay how the hell did that work? Slightly peeved by his new realisation that his brother was his superior, Kankuro left the room in a huff but not before stowing the super duper luper scroll of importance in his kunai pouch.

Gaara sighed once the door had closed; he could already feel another village elder breathing down his neck after Kankuro screwed this mission up. Exactly like the one before that and the mission before that one... and so on and so forth.

* * *

Once outside Kankuro smirked to himself in satisfaction. It was always fun messing with Gaara; his kid brother actually believed that he had the intellectual capabilities of a monkey! After all it was always better to have the enemy underestimate you and as an added bonus he always got the easiest missions! It was a win situation, for him anyway, he did feel kind of sorry for that team of genin that Gaara sent on the missions that should actually be assigned to him... but not enough to actually take their place.

And thus, Kankuro began to forge a path from Suna to Konoha at top speed. The trees flew past in a pretty blur of colour- Okay I'll stop lying to you now. In reality Kankuro was ambling along the track at a snail's pace watching the pretty trees go by centimetre by centimetre...

Oh that snail was slowly passing him! He wanted to race huh? Well Kankuro wasn't about to be upstaged so he took off towards Konoha at a more ninja worthy pace. He reached the gates and stood there panting triumphantly or he was until he saw the same snail already standing in the middle of the village gates basking in the golden light of victory. A dark look flashed in his eyes, not only had been beaten by a snail of all things but it had the guts to stand there and mock him?

_Crunch_

Kankuro whistled as he walked towards the Hokage's office, that snail had guts alright; the proof was on the bottom of his shoe. Seems Gaara wasn't the only crazy murderer in their family...

His innocent tune continued to escalate in volume until he tripped on the bottom of the stairs that lead to the top of the giant red tower that the leader of the village resided in. Cursing under his breath, he hobbled his now slightly bruised self all the way up the stairway of death and despair.

"NARUTO! HOW DARE YOU STEAL FROM ME YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE PUNK!"

"G-Granny-"

_POW!_

As Naruto flew through the air and landed in the river on the other side of the village Kankuro could almost visualise the sign that should be above the Godaime's door; "Abandon hope all who enter here."

Kankuro shuffled from foot to foot nervously, not really sure if he was ready to face the famed 'Iron Fist' at this present time, he could just turn around and go back home to his sadistic little- Okay! The Hokage it is! Tentatively he nudged the door with his toe until it swung open completely and then proceeded to sneak into the room, hoping to leave the scroll on her desk and not have to actually come into contact with her. His plan was foiled however as a hand shot out and grabbed his wrist just as he was placing the scroll on the cluttered mess she called her 'desk'.

Shoot! That's the second time today that he had been stopped during one of his excellent plans! Was one of the requirements for being the leader of a hidden village mind reading? If so no wonder he wasn't picked, that just wasn't fair. Was it really his fault that he wasn't born with super powers? He blames the parents, really, what kind of parents allow their child to be born knowing that said child does not have super powers? Obviously not very good ones! When Kankuro had a child, they would be able to fly! And shoot lasers from their eyes!

"Is there something you wanted?" Tsunade's eyes narrowed dangerously and Kankuro knew he was about three seconds away from joining Naruto in his watery fate. It was time to grovel!

"Hello there Godaime-sama, did you do something new with your hair?"

"No."

"Oh... Uh well, that shade of lipstick you're wearing really brings out your eyes?"

"I'm not wearing any."

"Is that shirt ne-"

"GET ON WITH IT KANKURO!"

"Of course," Kankuro squeaked, shocked at his own unmanliness he cleared his throat and continued in a much more normal voice, "The Bra- I mean Kazekage-_sama _asked me to give you this... this..."

Kankuro's eyes widened, he couldn't find the scroll! Where was the damn scroll? He hadn't touched it since he left Gaara's office so he couldn't have dropped it. Maybe that bloody snail stole it from him! His dad had always told him, "Never trust anyone my boy! Especially your wife, she'll just take your money!" He supposed that it must apply to snails and super duper luper mega-ly important scrolls as well.

"Give me what Kankuro?" Oh god! Her voice sounded completely level and calm! He preferred her when she was yelling, it was much less frightening.

"Well you see, Hokage-sama, I seem to have temporarily misplaced i-"

"YOU LOST IT?"

"Temporarily misplaced i-"

"I CAN'T YOU BELIEVE YOU LOST THAT SCR-"

"No I temporarily misplaced it."

Tsunade's eyes narrowed into intimidating slits and Kankuro gulped. Perhaps he should have returned home and faced the wrath of the homicidal brat that wore the pointy hat and strutted about like he was all that. Oh that rhymed! But no time for that now, Tsunade was advancing. Advancing as in getting closer by the second, as in getting close enough to send him to where Naruto was, as in he was about to get soaked and he was glad that he had put on his water resistant make u- I mean war paint this morning.

_POW!_

_Manly scream of pain_

_Splash!_

"Hey buddy, she got you to huh?" Naruto asked as he worked on squeezing all the water out of his, way too bright to be legal, orange and blue jacket. Who in their right mind would let ANYONE wear those two colours together? Naruto was just lucky that his hair was blonde and his eyes were blue therefore there was nothing that clashed. If he had have had pink hair and green eyes like Sakura, the poor kid would have been even more of a laughing stock then he already was...

Kankuro opted for a dignified silence and ignored Naruto's remark, choosing instead to haul himself out of the water and proceed to dry his smexyness black jumpsuit thing. The number one hyperactive knuckle-head ninja seemed to not mind Kankuro's rude behaviour, either that or he just didn't notice.

"Anyway, Kankuro my main man! You are lucky you came to the village today, the bakery downtown just blew up and there are donuts everywhere!" Naruto waved his hands in the air to emphasise his most important point and jumped up and down on the spot. Kankuro frowned, a bakery blowing up? That sounded slightly familiar to him. But there was no time to live in the past now, there were free donuts to be had!

"Well then, maybe we should help them out and take those donuts off their hands. What do ya say Naruto?"

"You just read my mind..."

Kankuro and Naruto wore identical goofy grins as they raced towards the downtown donut shop, Kankuro would not lose this race! Besides, even if he did lose he could always have Naruto's guts join the snail guts on the bottom of his shoe...

* * *

"Nae?"

"Why yes Caity?"

"Why did you blow up two bakeries?"

"Well it seemed like a good idea at the ti-"

"Forget it! Did you at least the note somewhere that the dim-witted duo will find it?"

"Of course! How could you doubt my abilities? I thought we were friends! This makes me very sad Caity, very sad indeed..."

"Be quiet, I am scheming!"

So as Nae sulked in her corner of depressed –ness, the wheels in Caity's head were whirring away.... No quick catch them! Their whirring away! ARGH!

* * *

"Oi Kanky pal?" Kankuro raised an eyebrow at his new nickname; however he was simply too lost in the ecstasy of the donuts to care. Was it possible to be drunk on donuts? Cos' he sure felt like he was...

"Yeah?"

"What's with that sticky note on your back? HOLY FISH TRUMPETS! There's a whole heap of 'em! And they're numbered!"

After many incidents, including but not limited to: Falling on their face (Mostly Naruto), Nearly breaking their arm trying to twist the limbs in a direction that they were not made to twist in (Mostly Kankuro) and scaring the little old lady down the road by hiding her pruning shears (No comment), they managed to finally relieve Kankuro's back of all the little yellow sticky squares and place them in order.

"I'm telling you Naruto! It's 16 before 7 except after 1123!"

"No way, man! Everyone knows that 78 comes before 0.01! Duh!"

Okay, so they had a few minor disagreements ("YOUR MUM!" "NO KANKY! YOUR MUM!" "SHE'S DEAD YOU BUTTMUNCH!" "YEAH? WELL SO'S MINE!" "Ah gee... I'm sorry dude..." "Nah, I'm sorry to man..." _hugs_) they managed to rearrange the notes so that they made sense, somewhat.

**Hello**

_Greetings!_

**Ahem, we have taken your super secret scroll! If you ever want to see it again make sure you meet my demands exactly!**

_Exact-a-lactly!_

**Take your hat and your purple waterproof face paint and leave it at the base of Hokage Mountain. You will then find another series of sticky notes that will lead you to your scroll.**

_Thank you for shopping at K-mart and have a nice day!_

Kankuro visibly paled beneath his purple (IT WAS MANLY DAMNIT!) war paint and even Naruto seemed to grasp the gravity of the situation. His two most prized possessions, the _very _things that made him who he _was, _the fibre of his very being, were being forcefully taken away from him. The way he saw it he had four options.

_Option number one _

"_Hey Kanky my brothe-"_

**Stomp**

_And that, my children, is the story of how Naruto joined the snail on the sole of Kankuro's flipping awesome right ninja sandal._

Hmmm, Kankuro snuck a glance at the unsuspecting blonde idiot next to him, it was tempting but no. That wouldn't make his situation turn around.

_Option number two_

"_Hey Gaara, I misplaced, not lost! Cos' that's completely different, that scroll you gave me. Too bad it was important huh?" Kankuro's nervous and very much fake laughter filled the otherwise silent room as the explosive temper of the Kazekage began to reach its peak._

"_I'm sorry, you did what? Dear brother of mine?"_

"_Uh well, I temporarily misplaced that scroll of your-"_

"_That's what I thought you said." Gaara sighed an almost regretful disappointed sigh, after all he was nothing if not an awesome actor, "Sand Coffin."_

_And just like that, Kankuro whatever-his-last-name-was along with the snail guts on the bottom of his shoe, became one mushy mess on the Kazekage's carpet. Gaara's sigh was real this time. He reached over and pushed a button in his desk._

"_Yes Matsuri? Can you ask Phil-the-janitor to come clean up this mess for me? Thank you."_

No, that wasn't the answer either. In fact that one completely unappealing and would be saved until he needed a last resort. He would never let his brother have the satisfaction of killing him and getting rid of the handsomest bachelor in Suna in one fell swoop! Never! He always knew that Gaara was after his crown, the stupidly pointy awesome Kazekage hat just wasn't enough for the twerp!

_Option number three_

_Kankuro meekly placed his cat-eared hat and water resistant purple war paint in front of the Hokage Mountain Monument. He then strode away his head held high and tears glistening in the depths of his eyes that he would not allow to fall. Naruto patted his back sympathetically and spoke comforting words all the way to the scrolls hidden location. They found the scroll, gave it to the Hokage and lived happily ever after!_

This one had a slightly happier ending then option two; however it had one slight flaw! He had to give up his identity and Naruto didn't get stepped on! Well that was two flaws, but who's counting? So that left Kankuro with his fourth and final option, an option so devastating that it could rip apart and distort the very fabric of time and space!

_Option number four_

_Go to the Hokage tower and explain that he knows who took her scroll. Watch said criminals beaten into oblivion and then walk into the sunset to live happily ever after with both his hat and his water resistant purple war paint!_

Kankuro rubbed his hands together as an evil grin spread across his face. Yes, he would use option four first, that way even that failed he had option one to fall back on to make himself feel better. He truly was a genius of epic proportions no matter what the twerp and Temari said!

His ("microscopically tiny..." "SHUT UP GAARA!") mind made up, Kankuro strolled towards the Hokage tower for the second time that day. However, upon reaching the stairs he very carefully placed his foot on the first step. After he was absolutely certain nothing was going to happen he pumped a fist in the air triumphantly and pointed the step.

"HAHA SUCKER! YOU WONT GET ME WITH THE SAME GAG TWICE! NO SIREE!"

He then turned to make his movie star worthy exit and tripped on the _second _step this time.

"I SEE HOW IT IS! YOU'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER HUH? GET A GUY WHEN HE AINT LOOKING! IS THAT IT? WHY ON EARTH DO WE EVEN HAVE STAIRS HERE ANYWAY? NINJA'S WALK UP WALLS! YOU SERVE NO PURPOSE!"

Having showed those damn stairs who was boss he used his chakra to skip the stairs all together, after all they were plotting complete world domination via killing Suna's handsomest bachelor-GASP! They were in league with the Brat! Everything made sense now.

"Kankuro, why are you glaring at those stairs?"

"Shhh Naruto! They'll curse you!"

"Ooookaaay, yep. I think you've had enough of the donuts budd-"

"BLASPHEMY! YOU JUST WANT THEM ALL FOR YOURSELF! NEVER!" Kankuro made the mad dash into the building, slammed the door and propped a chair up under the door handle. Satisfied with his work he straightened up and dusted his hands and clothes off, job well don-

"Yo Kankuro, you do know that the door opens outwards right?" Naruto jabbed a thumb over his shoulder to the door that was now open and the chair that was lying uselessly on the ground. Kankuro slapped his forehead with his palm and dragged his depressed self down the hallway to the Hokage's office. Why must everyone foil his plans? He was a good boy! He did everything he was told! ... Not very well, but he still did it right?

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF GAI'S HORRENDOUS EYEBROWS DO YOU TWO WANT?" Tsunade roared taking a shockingly large gulp of sake. Naruto grinned innocently and leaned over to whisper in Kankuro's ear.

"It must be that time of the month."

Needless to say Naruto was taking another dip. Turns out that the obnoxiously loud boy could not whisper to save his life, who would have guessed? Kankuro cowered-Er, stood behind the Hokage's office plant. It was a nice plant really, all green and healthy looking. It even had a pretty blue flower on i-

"Well? WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

"Y-you see Hokage-sama, I was wondering... Er..."

"GET ON WITH IT!"

"I KNOW WHO TOOK YOUR SCROLL!"

_Blink_

_Blink_

"Oh really now?"

"Y-yes?"

"I wonder if this could be the same person that has been torturing my shinobi?"

"Y-yes?"

"Kankuro are you even listening to me?"

"Y-yes?"

"You're an idiot and your brother is a lot more awesome than you will ever be."

"Y-ye-WAIT THAT IS SO UNFAIR!"

Tsunade frowned, "Does this face look like it cares?"

Kankuro shook his head nervously, switching his gaze to the floor below him. The Hokage really needed to get some carpet up in here... and maybe a lava lamp or two. Oh! And an elevator! After all those stairs really need to go.

Tsunade stood from her chair abruptly, scaring ("SHE STARTLED ME! STARTLED!") Kankuro out of his wits. A scared ("STARTLED!") Kankuro usually reacts in one of two ways, hiding under the rug or falling to the ground and curling up in a ball singing 'I'm a little teapot' to himself.

"I'm a little tea pot, short and stout. Here is my handle. Here is my spout-"

"KANKURO!"

"Yes ma'am!" Kankuro shot up, his arms still in handle and spout position and followed after the Hokage. Next stop: Hokage Mountain.

* * *

"Hey Nae?"

"Yes my bestest buddy?"

"Do you think he'll show?"

"Nope! Not a chance!"

"Why not?"

"Have you seen what's in that scroll?"

"YOU READ IT?"

"Well duh!" Nae rolled her eyes, seriously how could she not? "Trust me it's worthless."

"You mean that we won't get anything for it?"

"Not a thing!"

"Well that sucks."

"Yup."

"I guess that there isn't really a point in us being here then is there?"

"Nope."

"Let's blow this joint." Caity threw the scroll over her shoulder before proceeding to leave the cavern inside Hokage mountain and-WAS THAT A BLOODY SIREN?

"RUN FOR IT!"

"I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU!"

* * *

"Are you sure that they're in here?"

"Of course Hokage-sama..."

"They're not in here."

"It seems that way." Kankuro replied before gulping nervously, THAT'S THE FOURTH TIME TODAY THAT HIS PLAN HAS BEEN FOILED AND-OH HEY! A SCROLL! Stooping down to pick it up he noticed a very familiar wind country seal on it. He hugged it tightly to his chest, Thank you donuts! THANK YOU!

Grinning he handed the scroll to the Hokage, who blinked a bit taken back. Carefully, as if it might have some kind of infectious disease, Tsunade unravelled the scroll only to...

Send Kankuro flying back into the river. Disgusted, she threw the scroll to Shizune who silently added the scroll to the mountain of Tsunade's debts. How on Earth she managed to owe the previous Kazekage close to three million dollars no one will ever know.

Kankuro flicked the water out of his eyes and pulled himself out of the river muttering a few choice swear words. What had he done? He delivered the scroll right? Then why send him flying into a river? THAT'S IT! HE WAS RETIRING!

"KANKY BUDD-ARGH! OH MY GAWD! WHY ARE YOU STEPPING ON ME? AH! GET OFF! GET OFF! STOP IT! THERE'S GONNA BE A SANDAL IMPRINT THERE NOW! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Smirking in satisfaction Kankuro decided to go back to the sand village now, unfortunately he didn't have any Naruto guts on his shoe... only blood... and some ramen noodles... Never mind! It was time to go rub his success in his twerpy brother's face!

"GAARA! I HAVE RETURNED!"

Gaara restrained himself from slamming his head into the desk... repeatedly. Instead he opted for breaking the writing utensil in his hand as his door was thrown open with such force that it collided with the wall.

"Scroll delivered... In your... face..." Kankuro pointed tauntingly at Gaara looking pretty worse for wear. He was barely standing up, his face paint was considerably smudged (GRAPE ANYONE?), his clothes were ripped in several places and he was either very drunk or he had just come down from a sugar high.

"So you have." Gaara responded, his nose crinkling as he caught a whiff of that creature that called itself his 'brother'. Was that...

_Sniff_

What was that? Dirty river water and ramen noodles? Gaara decided then and there that he _did not _want to know and simply sent Kankuro on his merry way. After he was sure that he was gone, Gaara kicked himself away from his desk (On his AWESOME WHEELY CHAIR! CAN I GET A HELL YES?) and stared out his window, notepad in hand.

"Hmm, that's funny. Usually Phil only goes to the bar on Tuesday and Thursday nights when his wife's at work. Oh and there's Joe on his way to the market to get more sugar, right on time too."

Shut up!

It isn't _stalking!_

It's _intent observation!_

_

* * *

_

**Yeah, I bet you thought I forgot all about you guys! Never! I was just kinda lazy and a bit caught up, Nae and I are going to an anime convention in January with our new family/cosplay group! I CAN'T WAIT! Anyway, that is no reason to abandon you! Plus I really wanna get these two stories I have up finished as I have some really good ideas that I can't wait to post! **

**Suggestions for who you guys want to see next! NEXT CHAPTER IS THE LAST CHAPTER! SO CHOOSE WISELY! ^^**


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